Special: Thoughts on Eurovision 2013 Semi-Final 1

The ones who qualified are in bold:


Austria: Natália Kelly - Shine
I thought I liked this song, but it turns out her voice just didn't do it justice. The song itself is nice, but the girl was just very basic with an overall weak voice.

Estonia: Birgit - Et Uus Saaks Alguse
I'm not sure about the song. I mean, I appreciate that she sang in Estonian, and it was a powerful ballad. But I disagree with her dress and the fact that it made to the final. Same old crap.

Slovenia: Hannah - Straight Into Love
This song was actually better than the Estonian one, I thought, yet didn't make the cut. An interesting dubby bit at the beginning. The girl was not bad. But who cares about Slovenia?

Croatia: Klapa s Mora - Mižerja
When I first heard this I was massively disappointed. Then, something happened, and after a few listens I realized that it was melodic magic. Six gentlemen singing from their hearts is awfully lovely. In a traditional style and dress, how could they not win? Unfortunately, they also failed to make the cut.

Denmark: Emmelie de Forest - Only Teardrops
I'll be honest -- this was my early favorite, simply because it's catchy and the girl is kind a crazy bitch. The song is really haunting in a way...not uplifting. Buuut yeah. The performance was excellent and well produced, it sort of looked like it had already won. We'll see.

Russia: Dina Garipova - What If
Girl - unattractive. Not that unattractiveness is a deal breaker, but this is Eurovision and you are Russia. A real wtf moment. Also the message of the song is cliché and lame. I get it. Imagine all the people, living for today. Should NOT have qualified for the final.

Ukraine: Zlata Ognevich - Gravity
My German friend Anna knew right away that this would make it, but it has absolutely no character whatsoever. I didn't like it before, and I hate it even more now.

The Netherlands: Anouk - Birds
Most people in the Eurovision community seem kinda disappointed that this song made it through to the final. I agree that the song is weird, but I think Anouk is talented. Not a winning entry, but good enough for the final, yeah.

Montenegro: Who See - Igranka
Biggest letdown ever. Performance was crazy Eurovision good, singing was inspired, and the rapping was perfect. I don't get how all of Europe watched this last night and did not unanimously vote for it. I mean, guys in astronaut suits?

Lithuania: Andrius Pojavis - Something
I cannot remember a single thing about this song.

Belarus: Alyona Lanskaya - Solayoh
Belarus had picked another, more interesting song. This came out of left field kinda and while I think Belarus deserves a spot in the final (since it got eliminated so early other years), this song is average at best and imitates older, similar songs too much.

Moldova: Aliona Moon - O Mie
Wow! I can't believe a song with lyrics like "The Mayans were not so wrong it's the end of the world" ended up being sung in Romanian. Bravo, whoever made that decision. And Pasha Parfeny on piano!

Ireland: Ryan Dolan - Only Love Survives
Good performance, and strong voice. I was pleased that there weren't really any bad singers, so to speak, in this edition. I mean I really disliked some of the ballads, but all the people held a tune at least. As for this particular track, nothing special.

Cyprus: Despina Olympiou - An Me Thimasai
Ugh, good thing this underwhelming nothingness is not going anywhere. I have no idea what this was about, and wayyyy too much plastic surgery on her.

Belgium: Roberto Bellarosa - Love Kills
Totally creepy eyes. That's all there is to say about this. Song was mediocre and also scary.

Serbia: Moje 3 - Ljubav Je Svuda
I was very disappointed in Serbia's national final, so not letting these three 'hos into the final is a welcome decision made by voters.

Well, that wraps it up for now. I'll post a recap of the second semi-final on Friday!

Volume 7: Christmasvision!

First of all, I am hugely disappointed by every single Eurovision 2013 entry so far. This has been a big let down so far, and I hope the remaining 30 or so countries send actually good music. Maybe.

In Eurovision news, Turkey, Slovakia, and Bosnia are out for 2013. They cited a lack of financial resources and being disillusioned with the new televoting/jury voting system as main reasons for being out.

This means that Miss Pop Tart won't be able to vote. Shucks.

Zlata Ognevich - Gravity
A couple of days ago, this song won the contest for Ukraine. I am disappointed mostly because their entry last year was hilarious and funny, not to mention freaking catchy. She wasn't a great singer, but that was a great show.

As for Zlata...well, she's a disappointment. No dubstep here, just a bunch of choral voices wailing in the background of an entirely forgettable ballad. It seems like the only music that I've heard lately is extremely confusing. This song's African vibes are trying too hard.

I hope no one votes for this song. Why would anybody even consider it?

Q: Were all the other options that bad?
A: Yes. They were. The other top scorers were also ballads with absolutely nothing memorable about them whatsoever.

Worth watching?: For laughs
Downloadable?: No.

And now, for some Christmas magic, I give you the lovable Sean Banan.
Sean Banan - Gott nytt jul

If you don't know Sean, let me give you a bit of backstory: he's an Iranian immigrant living in Sweden, and was seriously considered for Eurovision 2012. Unfortunately, he was usurped by that horrible b*tch Loreen. I can't say much more than that about him, except that he's twisted and funny and his songs are mint. This is an oldie but goodie for the Christmas season.

On to the song: I love the jingle bells, and I don't even mind hearing them in the summertime. I also love the degenerate look of everyone in this video. At 0:34, when he has to decide between tuna(?) and a shwarma(?), I love that he picks shwarma. Yeah, everything about this is racist and disturbing also. I wish I could understand Swedish. And the meaning of this vid.

Worth watching?: Absolutely.
Downloadable?: Double yes!